Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Tip 8 - Patio and what to put in a plastic bag!

Tip 8 - When laying patio, always make sure you buy enough cement on the first trip to the DIY store

Well it's been a few days since my last blog, I am getting lax, but my excuse is simply because it's been Easter and I have been doing lots of lying in bed in the morning, reading books and eating and drinking with friends. Oh, and laying Patio's!

To explain, hubby hobbit last weekend decided that it was timely to rid ourselves of small hobbits sand pit seeing as they are now distinctly too large to use it and it only now gets used by Bobbitt and the feline furries as a pooping place, so obviously wouldn't be too hygienic for visiting young people either.

So off he goes, sledge hammer in hand and destroys the whole thing in a matter of a couple of hours leaving only bare patch of mud, which when you have a 6 month old puppy who digs everything in sight is like a red rag to a bull! 'So,' he pronounces 'We shall have patio!'

Just to fill you all in, the first time any patio was laid in our garden hubby hobbit did it and only 12 months later it was rocking like some kind of strange square concrete fairground ride. So we ended up having to dig the whole thing up and relay it. Which is when I discovered my talent for laying patio.

Now this is not a usual talent for a 30 something woman I know, and my patio laying style does involve vast quantities of cement which will have to be removed by pneumatic drill and excavator should we ever want to get rid of it, but talent it is all the same. Not a talent I am exactly keen to encourage being as it gives me aches and pains in places I never knew I had. I am only a weak and feeble woman after all!

So when Patio laying was announced as this weekends highlight activity, I can tell you I wasn't exactly thrilled. Off we set to local DIY store, in two cars I should say because you can't fit 20 patio slabs, several million bags of cement and an entire hobbit family in one car, I think the back axle hasn't been built yet to accommodate such a load.

Returning several hours later having toured more than one DIY store for the best deal and complete with new power washer ('Well I did need one') we set to work.

Unfortunately we had massively under estimated the amount of cement that I would require for my newest creation and what followed was yet another trip to said DIY store for more supplies ('Get me some more BBQ coal whilst you are there, oh and and some turf to patch up the holes, oh and some goggles for when you're cutting the patio slabs') It's really quite amazing how many things come to mind when you are on your second or even third trip to a DIY store in one day!!

In any case, we still ran out of cement and had to go without laying one slab ('Well I didn't want one there anyway') by which point my poor feeble body was wracked with aches, in dire need of a relaxing soak in the bath and a stiff gin and tonic.

Fortunately all of this activity occurred on Saturday so I have had a couple of days to get over my patio laying experience, whilst vowing NEVER to do it again, and continue on the over consumption of food and drink bender which is compulsory at this time of year.

For readers of my earlier blog posts, you will be pleased to note that Bobbitt is going to have his 'Ting a lings' off on Thursday and I have threatened to bring them home in a plastic bag to show the kids. So any suggestions for what to actually put in the plastic bags to make it look realistic would be appreciated. Of course I am not going to ask the vets for the real ones, that would be truly disgusting but probably quite fascinating to younger hobbits of the household. Yeeew!!

1 comment:

  1. Having seen your comment on Jaywalkers site re DsBs and removal thereof, did you know that in the USA you can have prosthetics fitted (to your dog obv) they are called neuticles - play on google ! Presumably used by male owners who feel emasculated by their dogs vacancy ?