Tip 9 - And the need for a lie down

Tip 9 - Don't commit to writing a blog if you really don't have time to keep it up

Firstly an apology to my lovely blog followers, I am truly sorry I haven't written anything in a couple of weeks.

To be honest, I haven't had time to breath let alone sit down in a quietened room to gather my thoughts into sensible wordage. Whoever said 'If you want a job done well, ask a busy person' quite frankly ought to be shot. Please stop asking!!!!

What's news in the Hobbit household? Well....

Bobbit is no longer a real man. The appendage removal went well but unfortunatly doesn't seem to have rid him of his agressive toe chewing and leg humping tendancies. Someone told me that it takes about 2 weeks for all the testosterone to leave his system. I wish someone would tell him that!! It has been two weeks and no sign of let up yet!

Small and Medium Hobbits continue to want to kill each other. Impliments in the last week include; a fishing net, the shed door, the dog, bicycles and small pieces of random square plastic block. I think you know what I mean! Nothing is safe!

Hubby hobbit working hard as ever and commanding the small hobbits rugby team with his usual efficiency. Nearly the end of the season, looking forward to the odd lie in on a Sunday.

As for me....well I have been to meeting after meeting without earning very much money (how does that happen), have been re-elected treasurer of the scouts, been to a very wet Rugby festival with hoards of small muddy boys and finally completed one website, for which I will at least get paid.

Oh, i nearly forgot, and I did two days filming work on a major hollywood film!!

Before you get too excited, it was on film extra work. But totally fun. Spent a huge amount of time sitting around looking not dissimilar to Farrah Fawcett/Lady Di reading, chatting to other extras, sorry Supporting Artists, and drinking coffee. All this whilst being paid! It's a hard life isn't it? However, having worn a pair of boots for the two days which are at least one size too small, I do have the blistered heels to show for my time. Did do a modicum of work in the afternoon, walking up, down, past the camera in one direction, past again in the other, round and round in circles. Remains to be seen whether I will actually feature in the film itself. Will keep the blogging public posted. It doesn't come out until next year so am not holding my breath!!!

Spoke to my agent (get me!!!) on Monday to try to source some more work. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed. Might be more discerning over the choice of boots on the next project though!!

Tip 8 - Patio and what to put in a plastic bag!

Tip 8 - When laying patio, always make sure you buy enough cement on the first trip to the DIY store

Well it's been a few days since my last blog, I am getting lax, but my excuse is simply because it's been Easter and I have been doing lots of lying in bed in the morning, reading books and eating and drinking with friends. Oh, and laying Patio's!

To explain, hubby hobbit last weekend decided that it was timely to rid ourselves of small hobbits sand pit seeing as they are now distinctly too large to use it and it only now gets used by Bobbitt and the feline furries as a pooping place, so obviously wouldn't be too hygienic for visiting young people either.

So off he goes, sledge hammer in hand and destroys the whole thing in a matter of a couple of hours leaving only bare patch of mud, which when you have a 6 month old puppy who digs everything in sight is like a red rag to a bull! 'So,' he pronounces 'We shall have patio!'

Just to fill you all in, the first time any patio was laid in our garden hubby hobbit did it and only 12 months later it was rocking like some kind of strange square concrete fairground ride. So we ended up having to dig the whole thing up and relay it. Which is when I discovered my talent for laying patio.

Now this is not a usual talent for a 30 something woman I know, and my patio laying style does involve vast quantities of cement which will have to be removed by pneumatic drill and excavator should we ever want to get rid of it, but talent it is all the same. Not a talent I am exactly keen to encourage being as it gives me aches and pains in places I never knew I had. I am only a weak and feeble woman after all!

So when Patio laying was announced as this weekends highlight activity, I can tell you I wasn't exactly thrilled. Off we set to local DIY store, in two cars I should say because you can't fit 20 patio slabs, several million bags of cement and an entire hobbit family in one car, I think the back axle hasn't been built yet to accommodate such a load.

Returning several hours later having toured more than one DIY store for the best deal and complete with new power washer ('Well I did need one') we set to work.

Unfortunately we had massively under estimated the amount of cement that I would require for my newest creation and what followed was yet another trip to said DIY store for more supplies ('Get me some more BBQ coal whilst you are there, oh and and some turf to patch up the holes, oh and some goggles for when you're cutting the patio slabs') It's really quite amazing how many things come to mind when you are on your second or even third trip to a DIY store in one day!!

In any case, we still ran out of cement and had to go without laying one slab ('Well I didn't want one there anyway') by which point my poor feeble body was wracked with aches, in dire need of a relaxing soak in the bath and a stiff gin and tonic.

Fortunately all of this activity occurred on Saturday so I have had a couple of days to get over my patio laying experience, whilst vowing NEVER to do it again, and continue on the over consumption of food and drink bender which is compulsory at this time of year.

For readers of my earlier blog posts, you will be pleased to note that Bobbitt is going to have his 'Ting a lings' off on Thursday and I have threatened to bring them home in a plastic bag to show the kids. So any suggestions for what to actually put in the plastic bags to make it look realistic would be appreciated. Of course I am not going to ask the vets for the real ones, that would be truly disgusting but probably quite fascinating to younger hobbits of the household. Yeeew!!

Tip 7 - And the new washing machine

Tip 7 - Always consider carefully the amount of chocolate one wishes to purchase small children at Easter time.

Well, the new machine has arrived! So I have spent many happy hours loading and unloading the thing since the nice man from online electrical retailer (which will remain nameless) delivered the thing at 8.15am yesterday morning.

Expecting, as I was, to wait in all day for said machine and it not to arrive until 5 minuites before last delivery time ie 5.55pm, when the nice man from online retailer phoned at 7.45am to say he would be here within the half hour I was surprised to say the least. Totally unprepared would certainly be an expression, still wearing pajama's and reading lovely historical novel whilst sipping tea in bed. Of course, leapt out of bed post haste, threw on clothes and readied myself for impending delivery.

Oh, the joy of getting through the washing pile. I know they say that little things please little minds, but this is bordering on the ridiculous! Too see the bottom of my washing basket by tomorrow evening would be just heaven! The only problem is that the machine has so many buttons it looks like something that has been delivered by NASA and I really have not got time to read the huge instruction booklet that comes with. Oh well, keep pressing buttons until it makes a washing type noise, that would do it for me.

The new machine has, of course, inspired hobbits to parade around the house singing, at the top of their voices 'Washing machines live longer with Calgon!' which does make me somewhat concerned that they are watching too much tv these days.

Anyway, Easter approaches complete with regulation over consumption of chocolate and compulsary nausea towards the end of the day. The case in point would be my lovely friend who has, without exception, given up chocolate, bread, cake and anything that is considered any fun in the world for lent. (Hobbits belive she is truly mad!!!) I am convinced that by about 10am on Sunday morning she will have received from the Easter Bunny EC chocolate mountain and will be happily trawling her way through it, can't wait to join her! I might even invite her round to enjoy a chocolate fountain hour or two with large spoons! Chocolate induced vomiting, here I come.

Tip 6 - And the necessity to buy plasters

Tip 6 - Make sure you buy lots of plasters at the beginning of school holidays

For once I took my own advise and popped into nearest superdrug and stocked up. Knowing as I do that school holidays usually involve lots of glue, paint, cardboard and scissors I thought, this time, that I would take the sensible option and prepare for minor disaster.

Disaster this holidays is taking the form of a Lancaster Bomber airfix kit which granny 'kindly' bought hobbits last Christmas. How difficult could it be I thought? Silly me! I am now sat surrounded by millions (and I really am not exaggerating) pieces of grey plastic ranging from the small to the microscopic all requiring industrial strength glue and extremely steady hands. Plasters become a necessity when detaching said microscopic grey pieces of plastic from the bizarrely shaped frames in which they arrive. Not only are all the pieces not in numerical order (designed by a man no doubt!) but they need precision cutting with extremely sharp scissors.

Ah ha! Both medium hobbit and myself are now sporting plaster-covered fingertips as if starting a new craze. I imagine by the end of the holidays, the craze might have caught on as hobbits friends catch the 'I need to make something creative' bug which is the bain of any mummies life at this time of year. 'Yes of course you can paint an egg/attach bizarrely coloured feathers to everything/make chick shaped chocolates/cut out anything remotely Easter related from magazines and make strange and surreal collage' (delete as appropriate).

That said, we had a lovely weekend visiting hobbit relations. Did a bit of shopping (medium hobbit just developing his own taste in clothes but does need some guidance to avoid hideous hoodies which seem to be all the rage), various hobbits went to watch rugby match, went to a 40th birthday party and danced like a loony with 15 year old niece wishing I was still her age, and spent a sunny Sunday reading newspapers in the garden before returning home to ever increasing washing pile.

New washing machine due to arrive tomorrow so, sadly, am looking forward to loading and unloading washing for the entire day, assuming of course that it does arrive at allotted time! Will wait to see before declaring state of washing induced euphoria.

Tip 5 - And the carpet that is my kitchen floor

Tip 5 - On a sunny day like today, find something to do outside

I, unfortunately, have been stuck indoors all day, which is pretty daft when you think about it since the wonders of modern technology allow us with wireless laptops to comfortably work outside.

Having said that, had a lovely and productive meeting this morning with Belle Lulu about our new business. I'm sure you'll hear plenty more about that in due course, as and when we have finished the website, done the business and marketing plans, set up the bank account blah blah blah, there is so much to do when you start a business but hopefully it will be worth it when we are multi millionaires (I wish)

Returning home with pedal power laptop totally lacking in battery (I know, I should pedal harder) I return to domestic tasks which have so far this week eluded me.

First of all is tackling the kitchen floor which at this time of year looks more like a carpet than the lovely shiny wood laminate I started with. The cause of this furriness would be our Lab/Collie puppy. Funnily enough breeder didn't mention the huge volume of moulting hair that would detach itself from his person as soon as spring appears. So, regular sweeping of floor necessitates. By the way, the hobbits have decided on blogger name for puppy, Bobbitt, which I think is entirely suitable since he is shortly going to be carted off to vets for 'Ting-a-ling' removal, as small hobbit puts it, although I'm not sure that was their motivation when naming him, at least I hope not!

Following this I get a sudden spurt of mummyism and feel the need to cook comfort food for the hobbits. However, domestic goddessism hasn't extended into the realms of shopping for food this week so will have to be inventive with frozen peas, some custard powder and a lump of unidentifiable cheese. Recipe ideas would be appreciated.

Check back tomorrow for useful tips and hints on what to do with small persons during the seemingly endless Easter holidays which are looming (Oh, dear god, repeat prescription for Valium required)

Tip 4 - And the need for a new washing machine

Tip 4 - Think carefully before committing to collect 6 children from school

Which is obviously something I forgot to do today. Usually it would be no problem, I have a theory that if you have 1 - 2 kids already, having 5 - 6 isn't really any different. However, in this season of springtime exuberance when the kids decide it is timely to exersise their 'I want to kill you!!' tendancies on each other, adding extra friends on both sides of world war three is not a wise move.

Small/Medium hobbits therefore in full battle mode were told not to get wet whilst playing outside on the 'green' which is a small patch of park with a stream running through it. Of course, this is a red rag to a bull and I should be thoroughly chastised for even attempting to bother. Needless to say, hobbits and assorted clan returned soaked through, necessitating yet another change of clothes.

Now I am usually a fairly chilled out mummy, not too worried about a bit of mud and mess, but following on from visit from friendly washing machine repair man when he proclaimed the machine to be beyond ecomonic repair (I do hate these P.C. terms, I would have said screwed personally!), hobbits covered in sludge, dog poo and grass does not fill me with the joys of spring.

Slowly but surely, assorted clan of children have returned to their own homes allowing me to reclaim some of my comfort zone and, as I write, I am waiting for friendly neighbour to pick up small hobbit and his friend for cubs at which point I can breath a sigh of relief and get on with ordering myself a new washing machine.

Meantime, my amazing friend across the road, also known as Wishy Washy, is assisting with necessary occasional baskets of washing in a token gesture effort to avoid poor, deprived children (and hubbie hobbit of course) from having to wear the same pair of pants two days running.

Roll on next tuesday when new machine will arrive and smell in the hobbitt household will dramatically improve!